Being on the edge of the situation right now. The year has been very difficult for everyone, in every part of the world. I have been working from home and mummying for the past 46 days alone (as my husband is at work, he needs to be at work). The world has turned upside side down. Our children staying home the government in each and every country are all trying to find solutions.

It took me a while to write something about the whole pandemic that is
happening now. I feel like so many people made an obligatory blog post about
what is going on. I tried to enjoy each day while rediscovering what’s next for
all of us. Well, for me and my family I care about first, my job our health.
The least I can think about after caring for clients I spoke every day at work.
It is a choice, to feel what we feel, the fear, the uncertainty of what can
happened the next day. The how’s, the when.

The hard part of being in this difficult moment. Is when you have to acknowledge and listen to all emotions and feelings you have. When you find ways to ease the uncertainty. I cannot be positive all the time, it is impossible. The great thing about this is we have time to listen to ourselves better. In the stillness when everything is close, we can hear the voice within us. The fear that is present, the happiness as we spent more time with our loved ones.

It will be grand pretentious moment to say you are confident. I believe to the highest one in control. But we are not certain and not in control of what’s next. Some get stuck with art, some with religion, some with sports, social media and Netflix. Most are already planning what to do after this chaos. The only control we have is towards how we feel about this whole thing happening. We can control it not by simply dictating ourselves what to feel but by acknowledging every single emotion we have. Do not forget that you are human. It is okay to feel not okay. You win by taking one step forward telling yourself, today, I will be brave.

It is not easy for everyone, most of us hate being inside our home, being controlled on what to do next. If you are angry acknowledge it. Then move to the next step of recognizing so many beautiful possibilities of tomorrow. There are so many people who lost their loved ones, fighting for this unseen virus. I am thankful that I am home, having a full-time job, being a full-time mother. My loved ones are not sick and yes, I have anxiety too. I am feeling anxious about what can happen tomorrow. I am scared that my family will get sick, because this is totally out of our control. I fear of losing my job, if this pandemic would turn into an apocalypse. I fear of building my plans, but I chose hope.

I fear of failing my parenthood over and over each day that I am not meeting my daughter’s needs while I am at work + trying to parent at the same time. I chose to take it easy, give her the essentials things only. I spend my coffee breaks with her, I feed her and give her a lot of love each time. I woke up each day preparing for my day with a sport routine. I pray by my heart not to save me or practice religion, but because of faith.

Faith in humanity, faith that there’s hope. Believing for future solutions and that all these will be over. The only thing I chose to do is to keep track of my daily chores, live one day at a time. I am trying to live day by day, being grateful. We are not sick but safe and sound.

 

 

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Floby Villaralvo