Many people asked if I opt-out have a cesarean, the answer is no. If I can give birth normally I will do it, however the doctor prefer not to take any risks this time.
Well, the birth I had with Laia was an induced labor for 17 hours and my opening led me to 5 cm only. My body morphology is not made for normal delivery, the baby, Laia had a very low heart beat and my blood pressure went down. At 15h21, the baby is out after a quick 15 minutes of transferring from the delivery room to the operating room. Marlon did not even had time to put his scrubs and she is out.
I had a very hard time recovering at the hospital, understanding how breastfeeding works (which will to be discussed on my next post, to create an awareness to other Mom’s who might’ve had the same issues as I am). I was not happy during the entire hospital stay and I did not enjoy the first 10 days at home, in short it is a roller coaster ride. I was in pain, and I have no clue what should I do next, and even if I am doing well. Done done, it has happened and now is a new experience, I would like to have a fresh start of mommy-ing. As we call it parenting, has no manual, it is time to discover along the way again.
Fear of Epidural
I had an issue about epidural I had with Laia, which I felt every single pain and heavy force on my back, plus ending electrifying effect. Not so pleasant experience, this time is very good an felt zero at all. So I fear and worried for nothing, moreover, my anaesthesiologist has a light hand and very good nurses team in the operating room, in the maternity department, evening shift nurses are also great! They helped me, educate me and care for me and my baby.
The Operation
My doctor introduced another doctor who will help him during the operation. Her name I heard but not remembered, my stress level is still high knowing that my body will be cut off, middle.
It happened not so quick and looked like they are busy, took time on how to do each steps towards opening me, taking Elly and stitched me back to normal.
All those are for me whirlwind and happened so quick, while thinking about how the hell will I stand after? Take note, they want you to stand after 24 hours of operation. Which is not a norm with is in the Philippines this will cause you recurrence. We take care of new mamas delicately in the back home not to mention the no shower til 7th day after giving birth. All those medicinal plants, we have to boil and bath with, also used for steaming your vagina after birth as they say for fast healing.
Ask for help
Talking to my practitioners, my midwife, gynaecologist, physical therapist led me to so many solutions and support system is built strongly. They are the ones who helped me so much step by step to come back to track.
Taking care of your mental health through counseling, having conversation plays a lot of role on recovering, physically and emotionally.
I distance myself and have time for myself to better communicate with my spiritual being. This happens every time I do meditation, prayer, breathing exercises. I am also very aware of what I feel, to the extent that extra emotions, anger, anxieties, worries are coming out. Writing a manifestation journal helps me also, after re-reading Idil Ahmed’s Manifest Now. I started writing what I want to manifest, it is not easy in the beginning. fighting with hormonal imbalance, tiredness and so many factors. Actually, you need a support system, your support system is YOU! Then goes the professional people around me, my small circle of friends, husband and my kids.
Mental Health is priority, functioning individuals like parents need to have clear mind, healthy body to be able to take care and run a family.
Unplug
I have been uninstalling so many applications and simplifying my phone. It plays a lot of role that I am not on it for unnecessary browsing. I only need when needed, otherwise, browsing will just eat up time. Who else have tried window shopping and after finding out you have been on the phone for hours? Definitely my time will be wasted and I had nothing else accomplished.And I have purchased items I don’t need in the first place.
Also, there are days I can procrastinate, I need to procrastinate for my peace of mind. Do nothing and just let things be for tomorrow. And it is okay, stay calm and do things one thing at a time and live for the moment, most of the time we have been driven by goals, task and to do list that is consumes us.
Distance yourself
To anything and anyone that drains your energy, you have to keep yourself your top priority. And other things will fall into place. Sometimes I would wish to be alone, or walk for an hour without anyone, just hearing the nature in my ear clear on my head. With so many hormones going back to to where they should and your anatomy is getting to how it should work. I did not get this in the beginning and all I felts is hunger, cravings for food I want from the Philippines, haha! And of course, crying, missing my folks back home. Our family doctor explained it’s more than that, you have to be patient and trust your own anatomy to be back to normal.
I also distance myself to people on social media, putting only 18 close people I got to view what I am up to. I know for a blogger is very hard, however this is part of my own self care protecting my own peace of mind, sanity whatever we call it.
I was also so scared that my kids will be on the too much exposed on internet so I am strategising what to do, how can I blog and not put them all the time on pages. Struggle and overthinking in my head all the time? So, I decided not to publish anything yet for sooooo long. I got drafts and stories I wanna tell people but I closed myself in a box for a while and when I am ready I can be brave enough to click publish. My therapist helped me a lot she told me to write on and save everything as draft. When I am ready and time comes that I am able to publish those writings then do it. Liberation will come when you are emotional and mentally prepared to be seen, for now hide and distance. Probably when you read this I am on the estate of readiness for things, next steps, baby steps towards healing.
Exercise and eat well
Healing is a process that we cannot hurry, it is a slow phase, mostly can be so slow. Sometimes I think or feel I am stuck. This is where you have to follow the force of the universe. Nourish your mind with good thoughts everyday and it comes with good healthy eating habits. Yes, you can cheat eat what you want one time a week, we are humans and we have to live. Also, I learned this saves my pocket and savings account. We were able to eat less out, less fast food. With this small steps backward, we got big opportunity for hitting our bigger financial goals.
I made a weekly meal plan and also instead of dining warm at night we are all eating warm lunch time. In the evening our body will work less on digesting every food we had and we can just soup, tea and relax to bed time. So practical, no dishes to wash, and besides it is not good for the health to eat two warm meal a day.
We took the old indoor bicycle on my in-laws, I started jumping again. Somehow it is slow to come back to my jeans. But yes, I will be patience, more patience because hitting your body weight is not over night process. For now, I will wear the clothes where I fit and enjoy the process. Do not under estimate the power of happy hormones! It can go a long way.
Nourishing our body with the right vitamins and supplement is also vital. We have multivitamins, vitamin c, b12, omega 3, magnesium and also drink lemon water every morning. This vitamins are very important to let our body function normally and live. Because eating can only make us full, but we also have to be nourished. When our body ish nourished we can make better decisions, brain will function better, we have better focus.
In the end it is not only about surviving the birth and healing the scar it is another opportunity to build stronger human foundation in you. Family time relearned and still is learning everyday. With my kids, how hard it was too for my husband to understand how women hormones works. He learned to be more patient and being my constant support, the one who finally pushes me not to cancel my relation therapy in the morning when I had a bad a night.
I will be writing more about the healing process happening inside me. I am very excited to share the struggle and the beauty of healing.
